Crashing down

So I feel like the world is crashing down on me and all I have is an umbrella that is about to break to keep me from completely breaking down.  I feel like pretty soon all it is gonna take is one last thing to go wrong, no matter how big or small and I'm done.  I just would like things to run smoothly for me, at least for a little while.  But now I feel that karma is getting back at me like there is no tomorrow for being such a horrible person growing up. 

This is how I felt a few days ago but NOW I feel good.  I decided to go back to school for Medical Assistant and then Anesthesia Technician and Renton Technical college.  I would have to say I decided this all due to my mother and what she is going through.  I’ve been curious and now it has peeked my interest to the point where I am “OMG I WANNA DO THAT!!!”.  Dave is supporting me 100% since I will be quitting my job.  Tabi will be going to their daycare, which would be great for her.  She’ll be around other kids and see that they are potty trained and hopefully she’ll wanna be like them and be potty trained.

OMG I AM SOOO HUNGRY!!!

I’m starting to think that I won’t be able to go to school and not work.  Money will be very tight and I don’t know if we can handle it.  It would be easier if I has some sort of savings that could help us while I am in school but I don’t.  It just seems whenever I get really excited over something and I mean REALLY excited, something comes to crash it down and I get sad.  But I do have to be on a waiting list, so maybe things will look up by the time school starts.  I shouldn’t let this bump stop me from trying to be a better person, a better mom, a better human for society.  I can build up whatever extra I have from a paycheck and not touch it.  Which means I may have to give up going out and buying those little extras I love so much.  If I really want this then I should try to make it work. 


Yes, I will make this work. Not just for me but for my lil one.

Tyler Hilton and Josiah Leming show

On Tuesday October 12, 2010 two sisters went into Seattle for a show at the Showbox Sodo.  They went to forget for a few hours how miserable they were since their mother got sick.  Thanks to the awesome performances that night they were able to forget and have fun.

I'm not really good with words to write an awesome review of the show but this is what I thought.

Josiah Leming and Tyler Hilton were playing.  My sister and I went to see Tyler Hilton.  The show was small and intimate. They had two opening acts Thomas Starks and Dion Roy.  Thomas Starks gave a wonderful performance to which I now follow on Twitter and became a fan of his Facebook page.  To be honest I did not see Dion Roy's performance. 

I go up to stand next to my sister by the stage and this little skinny blonde hair kid starts playing the keyboard and singing. I have to admit the kid was great.  Turns out that kid was Josiah Leming and he was on American Idol 7.  The kid was energetic and has more talent then some I see get huge fast (like that Beiber kid).  I was very impressed with his performance that I bought a cd and he signed it for me.

Tyler came on stage and to be honest, he is a lot taller then I thought he was. I seen him on One Tree Hill playing Chris Keller.  Which after we already got into Seattle I was like, "Darn it, I should of brought my OTH season 4 sleeve that has a pic of him that awesome getup in the prom episode."  Anyways, he played one of my fav songs Missing You and my other fave song When Stars Go Blue as an encore.  We loved that he talked to us on stage and asked what we wanted to here.  IT was great that he almost forgot to play one of his songs June.  Two lovely ladies helped him out with that one.  It was cool that hung out after his performance and signed autographs and took pictures.

My sister and I had a great time.  We had a couple drinks at the bar and watched some good performances.  We were able to forget about mom and her cancer for a few hours.  I also was able to forget everything that was bugging me, till the next morning of course.  Usually I'm at metal shows and watching local metal bands play at Hell's Kitchen in Tacoma.  So when a non-metal performance catches my eye, it must be good or at least it is good to me.

Josiah Leming and I

 

 Tyler Hilton and I

Thanks guys for a great show in Seattle.

Tired yet Excited

So I closed at work last night at 11pm and open today at 7am.  Barely slept and had to cut short my time to get ready for work to run to the store cause the lil one was out of milk and lunches and didn't find out till the morning. 

So needless to say I am tired.  But tonight is an exciting night for my sister and I.  We are going to see Tyler Hilton (no relation to the Hiltons btw) play at The Showbox SODO tonight.  He is not metal but I do looove his voice.  Reminds me of a mix of Cash and Presley.  Check him, he's good.  Thank goddess I have Wednesday and Thursday off of work. 

Thursday I'm going to visit my friend Missa.  I better be there or she can disown me.  I've been wanting to hang with her but every chance I get I flake on her and I haven't seen her since 2004.  So I HAVE to see her on Thursday.  So Wednesday I'm gonna clean, clean and more cleaning at home.  Gonna get in my grubby cleaning clothes and clean.

Still trying to figure out what I shall wear tonight in my head.  Should I be comfy? Should I look cute? Decisions decisions.

Man I am so happy for spell checker.  I'm not the greatest speller when I am tired or too focused or when when I'm typing as fast as my thoughts are there.

Thats it for now on this post.  Just me rambling.

FYI on me for those who are curious

So it occurs to me as I am reading one of my friends blogs, ( Check her out at http://www.missajae.com/  ) that I should tell a little bit more about myself.  Ya know, like the basics and some random facts about me. Thanks Missa for reminding me of this as I was reading your blog.  So here it is.

Name: Samantha Jean (not telling you my last, that’s too personal to put out there when it really doesn’t have to be)
DOB: Jan. 10, 1978
Sign: Capricorn
Hair: brown naturally but dyed black usually but now it’s blonde
Eye: Hazel
Height: 5 feet 6 inches
Weight: a woman never tells these things unless she is a skinny bitch with nothing to hide
Birthplace: Landstuhl, Germany (Army Brat)
Current Location: Somewhere in King County, Washington
Ethnicity: White (German, Irish, British, Cherokee Indian and I think more but those for sure)
Relationship Status: dating Dave for 6 years now. Oct. 31, 2004 is our anniversary.
Children: daughter named Tabitha Piper born Jan. 30, 2007
Piercings: 8 in different parts of my body
Tattoos: 12 but technically you can only see 11 since 1 is a cover-up


Random Facts:
 
I won’t be happy until I’m covered in tattoos.

Top 3 men in the entertainment world I think are EXTREMELY hot and sexy: Phil Anselmo (musician), Josh Lucas (actor), Randy Orton (wrestler).

My favorite movie genre is horror but I do love a good chick flick.

I can be flakey at times when it comes to calling people or hanging out with them.

I hate getting poked with needles but yet I can sit through a tattoo and piercing.

I can be such a girly girl at time when it comes to my nails but I love to wear baggy jeans a a huge t-shirt.
 
Was a tomboy growing up but yet girly too. Played with both GI Joe and Barbie.
 
Watched Transformers and GI Joe as a kid, those were my favorite cartoons.
 
Favorite movie soundtrack is Top Gun.
 
Favorite chick flick is Sweet Home Alabama
 
Favorite horror movies are House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects.
 
Bands that I love are: Pantera, Murderdolls, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet for My Valentine, Rob Zombie, plus more but these are the top that are usually in my cd player in my car.

My grandparents bought me a car that I LOVE, a black 2006 Ford Fusion. 

My top favorite muscle cars are Ford Mustang, Dodge Charger and a Dodge Challenger.


I am who I am and you if can’t accept me for who I am then I don’t want you in my life.  It’s bad enough some of my family can’t accept me for me, I don’t need that with anyone else.

Infusion room madness

As I sit here at Harborview Hospital waiting with my mom to start her chemo I was thinking about how this just sucks.  It sucks that people have to go through this.  It is way worse for those going through this then it is for the person that is just sitting there keeping them company.  Some people don’t even have anyone with them to keep them company while they are getting their chemo infusion.  My mom is crocheting another blanket to be donated for another cause she supports.  She still is active as she can be in her causes.  She doesn’t go to as many meetings as she did before.  Her walking as slowed down to a crawl since her cancer is effecting her leg.  She is part of the VFW and the people there are supportive.  If I can’t take her to one of her appointments due to work, one of them is always there ready to take her.  I take her when I can and she understands that.  She doesn’t want me to lose my job right now. 

Hopefully we will meet with her lawyer soon so we can get the lawsuit against our local hospital started.  I’m just afraid they are going to drag it out till she is no longer with us to see the results.  It’s not like we are being selfish.  They should of done their jobs correctly and not have dismissed my mother.  Now my mother has to pay with a shortened life span cause they were too much in a hurry to even care about what she is going through or to even run ONE test.  That’s all they had to do, run ONE test.  That’s all  Harborview did and they found it, so how come our local hospital didn’t do that?  Question to put out into the void.

My mom is in a grumpy mood.  She is wear her Grumpy t-shirt and her Grumpy sweatshirt.  I would be too if I had to go through what she is going through.  In and out of hospitals for the past year and finally getting an answer a couple months ago.  I can’t stand watching my mom get poked.  They killed the veins her arms so they had to implant a port, which is now easier on her.  We are going to go shopping for shirts for her that we will call her chemo shirts. To make it easier to access the port without pulling her t-shirt.

I don’t get to have access to their wi-fi so by the time I get to post this we will already be home.  Writing all of this in a word document right now to keep the time passing smoothly.

Still waiting for them to start her chemo.  They are running tests first to make sure they can give her the chemo.  So I played a game of Bejeweled 2 and I realized that I don’t like repetitive music.  Maybe that is why I could never get into techno music. 


~~~~~~~~~~


Now here I am about to post this blog and I was telling a guest about how mom now needs to go to the U of Wa in the U District now for her chemo and she says that is BS.  We should be able to get it locally to us. But alas I must drive even further north, but for my Mom I would do it without hesitation.





<3 u Mom

Another day another penny

As I was getting ready for work today I realized a few things.  I've been slacking on going to the gym and the weight that I have lost must surely be back, which I do not like.  I worked very hard to get rid of it.  But with everything that has been going on in the past couple month, the gym did not seem that important.  So I made a deal with myself.  Wednesday I'm going to work out for at least an hour and I'm going to start hitting the gym more often.  I complain about my weight but yet it will not magically disappear, although I bet we all wish that could happen.

I also realized that I got too comfortable at my job.  I'm making mistakes that I would not have done when I first started.  I'm easily distracted.  I don't know if it due to everything going on around me or that I might be bored with my job.  I have a really cool boss who is understanding of my mothers situation and mine when I need time off.  I don't think that I would find another cool boss like him elsewhere.

My mind is wondering way too easy today.  I can't stay focused.  I'm just spacing out when I should be focused on something, anything.  It is already taking me too long just to write this portion of my blog.  But that is how I have been for the past couple months.  Either my mind is off having an adventure that my body is not allowed to go on or I am completely absent-minded and my body or my mind is not having a adventure.  I think I liked it better when I spaced out on things that I could be doing instead of what I was doing at that point in time.

Then it got me wondering if anyone out there is even reading this random nonsense that I am typing.  Good for you if you are reading this.  Gives me hope that somewhere out there that I am not typing this all in vain and someone is reading this.  Maybe even thinking "Hey I feel the same way."

Well ttfn.

Introduction of me to you

Hey ya'll. 

So this is all new to me posting blogs this way out of MySpace. I don't use that site anymore unless I want to hear some new music going on. Facebook doesn't have a place for blogs, that I have seen but yet I don't care if they have one.

I thought I may say HI to ya'll that don't know me.  I'm a 30 something average female with above average expectations of herself.  I work the front desk for a nationwide hotel chain. I also have a daughter who has become my life.  If it were up to me I would be a stay-at-home mom forever. Although I did get bored when she was first born and I was a SAHM.  But I would do things differently now and since she is older we would have more fun. I have a sister almost ten years younger then me.  She still lives at home with mom and dad.  She just finished up her AA required class a community college with hopes to transfer to a university.  Things dramatically changed and so did her plans.  

Our mother was recently diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer.  They are just basically giving her as much time with us as possible.  If you look at her you would not realize how sick she is.  She looks good for having to go through this. Her doctor says she looks sicker on paper then in person.  She is another reason why I don't want to work right now.  We are going to sue our local hospital.  We were going there first for almost year when mom was first starting to feel sick.  All they would do is giver her pain meds or antibiotics and send her home like she was crazy.  If they did their jobs right, this cancer could of been caught sooner and she may have more time with us.  But instead we have to go to a hospital 30 miles away with almost an hour drive thanks to traffic cause they are the ones that found it thanks to my moms main doctor sending her elsewhere for tests.

I'm angry a lot. Depressed often. And I take it out on those who don't deserve it.  My other half (as I call him) gets it a lot.

This will be it for my first blog. Prepare for more randomness nonsense to come to a screen near you.

Remember to tell your mother that you love her.  You never know when you may be without her.